I grew up in a military family – I never thought of it that way, until a high school friend pointed it out to me. My father was an engineer in the Army, my mom worked for the Army – they met in Germany on an Army base. My eldest sister went to the Naval Academy. My brother went to Marine OCS – but didn’t finish it after he got hurt and had to restart.
The military has a lot to offer an orphan. A sense of being part of something, of belonging – a forgetting of these past… Also, discipline and focus – I could have used all of these things. I feel that living by myself I came upon these concepts the hard way. Not that being in the military would be easy, but I’d have learned these concepts…more directly.
I always longed to feel part of something – I always felt so separate from everything – I think being in the military would have helped in that way. A new family, a new focus, a new goal.
I work in Video Games now and while I have been relatively successful, I think I might have been more so if I had joined the military instead of failing out of college. I always felt so alone – I’d have been a part of something if I had joined. If I had served.
I needed the discipline – even now, I find it hard to focus, to learn something outside of work. I just want to party, drink too much and have a good time. I could use the discipline that the military provides. There is a fatalism in me that I’m constantly fighting – a feeling that, is it worth it – anything long term? We’re all going to die anyway….
I think the greatest things it offers, are a sense of a belonging, an acceptance I have not felt. A sense of purpose, a direction to head toward, something I’ve never had. A discipline I have never known.